Pancake Posted August 19, 2020 Share Posted August 19, 2020 This is going to be kind of like a Wattpad story so eee I will update this as I go, This is a Little of all the Genres but it is mostly Mystery and adventure and a bit of comedy. Anyways You May comment on this if you like, Or don’t, That’s fine too. anyways, Enjoy the story! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pancake Posted August 20, 2020 Author Share Posted August 20, 2020 (prologue! Woo! This is A Bad story beginning though I’m sorry, I’m not the Very best writer ;w;)Prologue - Beginning It was A Cold October nightfall and there was a sleepover happening In a Quaint little house On Apple Street. “Pfff! As if!” Isabella Laughed as She And Her Friends Ate Thin-Mints And Played games in her Bedroom, She Had Blonde hair in a bun and A Flower Crown of Daisies, short shorts and A Purple hoodie with green cat eyes and ears on the top that stretched down slightly past her thighs, Her hood was not on. ”Ok.. Emi, Truth or Dare?” Asked Katie, She Had Pale Skin, Silvery Black hair, She Was Wearing A Pale Pink Sweater, Glasses, Jean Shorts and A Flower Crown of Lilacs that she had made during their Sleepover. ”Hmm... Dare!” Emi or, Emily said, Biting into a Thin mint, she Had Red Hair in Curls, A LOT of Freckles, Pale-Ish skin and A Flower Crown Of Roses that complimented her Large Green Eyes. ”I dare you to go downstairs, turn on the news and re-Enact whatever is on.” Katie said. ”Challenge taken!” Emi and the others got up and Hurried down the stairs, plopping down onto the couch, She grabbed the remote and turned on the tv to the news channel. It was about Two Kids going missing in the Eclipse Forest. They got up and Walked back to the bedroom. She re-enacted getting lost in a forest. “But seriously, it might be bad and the families are probably very worried.” She said. ”Yeah.” All of the five friends nodded. ”Your turn Mia.” Emi said, Mia was Katie’s Sister she also had silvery black hair tied back in a pony tail, pale skin, and was wearing A mint green Fluffy jacket that was too big for her and sleeves that covered her hands when not rolled up properly, Ripped jeans, a Flower crown of white Calla lilies and A gold, metallic Star-Shaped sticker underneath her eye. ”Ok, Hmm.. Quinn! Truth or Dare?” Mia Asked Quinn, Hugging A Giraffe Stuffie. “Uhm.. Truth!” Quinn said, she had Short Brown hair, a Yellow Clip that pinned her hair back out of her face, blue eyes, a Yellow long-Sleeved shirt, Baggy Pants, and A Sunflower Flower Crown. ”Is it true You Like Andy?” Mia Asked, Shoving her nose into the Stuffie. Andy was a boy that went to their middle school, he usually had a backwards hat and short sleeve shirt on, along with shorts. He had Messy brown hair and Pale skin. ”Whaaaaat- Pshh.. Noooo..” Quinn rubbed the back of her neck and Fiddled with her hair, she always did that when she was nervous. Emi gasped. “You Dooo liiike hiiiim.” She teased. “I Do Not!” Quinn stuck her tongue out at Emi. Just Then the Fairy lights lining Isabella’s Room Went out. Mia Yelped. ”What happened?” Isabella asked in the dark, looking around. Then, The Lights flickered back on. “..That was weird.” Quinn said after a moment. ”Anyways, I need to go home, Sorry I cant stay longer.” Katie said. ”Aww.. But why?” Mia asked. ”Yeah, Why can’t you stay?” Quinn asked. ”Because I have stuff to do.” Katie said, getting up and putting on her jacket, they followed her downstairs. ”Bye Katie.” Said Isabella’s Mother, wiping off her hands with a towel. ”Bye Ms. Watson.” Katie waved and slipped out the door, grabbing her pale purple backpack, placing her Flower Crown in it and putting it on her back, grabbing her dark purple Bike and getting onto it. “Bye Guys, See ya tomorrow.” She waved and pedaled in the direction of her house. The others waved and went back inside to get ready for sleep. Katie passed the Forest the kids went missing in, Eclipse Forest they called it, Why? Because it’s the best place to watch eclipses, Hundreds of people from the neighborhood gather there to see the eclipses that happen. Some.. Creature scurried out of the forest, it looked like A Rabbit or something, She Swerved to avoid it and Fell down off the road, she Hurt herself, somewhat badly and there was a thick fog moving in and it engulfed Her, before swiftly retreating, and just like that, her glasses and bike clattered to the ground, ... And Katie was gone. ... To be Continued. (That was a terrible start to this I’m really sorry- Im not that good at writing Like, Stranger-Things-class books, and I’m sorry- i will probably edit this to fix any mistakes I may have made, Feel free to leave Uhhh Suggestions or Ratings or whatever in the comments or whatever their called :v. I hope you liked this Chapter or prologue or whatevs even though it was trash-) 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MATTRESS Posted August 20, 2020 Share Posted August 20, 2020 4 minutes ago, Vanilla said: (prologue! Woo! This is A Bad story beginning though I’m sorry, I’m not the Very best writer ;w;)Prologue - Beginning It was A Cold October nightfall and there was a sleepover happening In a Quaint little house On Apple Street. “Pfff! As if!” Isabella Laughed as She And Her Friends Ate Thin-Mints And Played games in her Bedroom, She Had Blonde hair in a bun and A Flower Crown of Daisies, short shorts and A Purple hoodie with green cat eyes and ears on the top that stretched down slightly past her thighs, Her hood was not on. ”Ok.. Emi, Truth or Dare?” Asked Katie, She Had Pale Skin, Silvery Black hair, She Was Wearing A Pale Pink Sweater, Glasses, Jean Shorts and A Flower Crown of Lilacs that she had made during their Sleepover. ”Hmm... Dare!” Emi or, Emily said, Biting into a Thin mint, she Had Red Hair in Curls, A LOT of Freckles, Pale-Ish skin and A Flower Crown Of Roses that complimented her Large Green Eyes. ”I dare you to go downstairs, turn on the news and re-Enact whatever is on.” Katie said. ”Challenge taken!” Emi and the others got up and Hurried down the stairs, plopping down onto the couch, She grabbed the remote and turned on the tv to the news channel. It was about Two Kids going missing in the Eclipse Forest. They got up and Walked back to the bedroom. She re-enacted getting lost in a forest. “But seriously, it might be bad and the families are probably very worried.” She said. ”Yeah.” All of the five friends nodded. ”Your turn Mia.” Emi said, Mia was Katie’s Sister she also had silvery black hair tied back in a pony tail, pale skin, and was wearing A mint green Fluffy jacket that was too big for her and sleeves that covered her hands when not rolled up properly, Ripped jeans, a Flower crown of white Calla lilies and A gold, metallic Star-Shaped sticker underneath her eye. ”Ok, Hmm.. Quinn! Truth or Dare?” Mia Asked Quinn, Hugging A Giraffe Stuffie. “Uhm.. Truth!” Quinn said, she had Short Brown hair, a Yellow Clip that pinned her hair back out of her face, blue eyes, a Yellow long-Sleeved shirt, Baggy Pants, and A Sunflower Flower Crown. ”Is it true You Like Andy?” Mia Asked, Shoving her nose into the Stuffie. Andy was a boy that went to their middle school, he usually had a backwards hat and short sleeve shirt on, along with shorts. He had Messy brown hair and Pale skin. ”Whaaaaat- Pshh.. Noooo..” Quinn rubbed the back of her neck and Fiddled with her hair, she always did that when she was nervous. Emi gasped. “You Dooo liiike hiiiim.” She teased. “I Do Not!” Quinn stuck her tongue out at Emi. Just Then the Fairy lights lining Isabella’s Room Went out. Mia Yelped. ”What happened?” Isabella asked in the dark, looking around. Then, The Lights flickered back on. “..That was weird.” Quinn said after a moment. ”Anyways, I need to go home, Sorry I cant stay longer.” Katie said. ”Aww.. But why?” Mia asked. ”Yeah, Why can’t you stay?” Quinn asked. ”Because I have stuff to do.” Katie said, getting up and putting on her jacket, they followed her downstairs. ”Bye Katie.” Said Isabella’s Mother, wiping off her hands with a towel. ”Bye Ms. Watson.” Katie waved and slipped out the door, grabbing her pale purple backpack, placing her Flower Crown in it and putting it on her back, grabbing her dark purple Bike and getting onto it. “Bye Guys, See ya tomorrow.” She waved and pedaled in the direction of her house. The others waved and went back inside to get ready for sleep. Katie passed the Forest the kids went missing in, Eclipse Forest they called it, Why? Because it’s the best place to watch eclipses, Hundreds of people from the neighborhood gather there to see the eclipses that happen. Some.. Creature scurried out of the forest, it looked like A Rabbit or something, She Swerved to avoid it and Fell down off the road, she Hurt herself, somewhat badly and there was a thick fog moving in and it engulfed Her, before swiftly retreating, and just like that, her glasses and bike clattered to the ground, ... And Katie was gone. ... To be Continued. (That was a terrible start to this I’m really sorry- Im not that good at writing Like, Stranger-Things-class books, and I’m sorry- i will probably edit this to fix any mistakes I may have made, Feel free to leave Uhhh Suggestions or Ratings or whatever in the comments or whatever their called :v. I hope you liked this Chapter or prologue or whatevs even though it was trash-) Really cool Beginning! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pancake Posted August 20, 2020 Author Share Posted August 20, 2020 1 minute ago, Pollygussie (She/Them) said: Really cool Beginning! (:D Thank U) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pancake Posted August 20, 2020 Author Share Posted August 20, 2020 (Currently Starting on Chapter 1) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pancake Posted September 8, 2020 Author Share Posted September 8, 2020 AAAAA I JUST LOST ALL MY PROGRESS ON CHAPTER 1 *SCREAMS* 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pancake Posted September 8, 2020 Author Share Posted September 8, 2020 KILL ME END MY EXISTENCE KILL. ME. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pancake Posted September 8, 2020 Author Share Posted September 8, 2020 AND I WAS ALMOST DONE WITH IT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pancake Posted September 8, 2020 Author Share Posted September 8, 2020 *ANGER* 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sky Posted September 8, 2020 Share Posted September 8, 2020 Looking great! Can we give (light) criticism? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pancake Posted September 8, 2020 Author Share Posted September 8, 2020 Just now, Sky said: Looking great! Can we give (light) criticism? Mhm 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sky Posted September 8, 2020 Share Posted September 8, 2020 On 8/20/2020 at 2:19 PM, Vanilla said: “Pfff! As if!” Isabella Laughed as She And Her Friends Ate Thin-Mints And Played games in her Bedroom, She Had Blonde hair in a bun and A Flower Crown of Daisies, short shorts and A Purple hoodie with green cat eyes and ears on the top that stretched down slightly past her thighs, Her hood was not on. 1. Words should only be capitalized (there's probably something I'm forgetting, but usually this is it) when A) They're the first word in a sentence (ex. The girls ate.) or B) They're a proper noun (names, places, brands, etc) (ex. Isabella ate Thin Mints.) 2. Try and spread out the descriptions-- just a little bit at a time (you can put more in one place if a character is looking someone down when meeting them-- ex. "A girl ran towards me. Her blonde hair fell out of her bun as she stepped, and her flower crown of daisies nearly fell off. She had a long purple cat hoodie on, though the hood was not up.). Instead of saying "She had blonde hair in a bun and a flower crown of daisies," try something like "A lock of her blonde hair fell out of her bun into her face, bringing a daisy from her flower crown with it." Give some action rather than just tell. 3. This is what's called a "run-on sentence". It's taken several subjects and put them in one sentence, making it too long and confusing. (An example with the run-on-ness corrected: “Pfff! As if!” Isabella Laughed as She And Her Friends Ate Thin-Mints And Played games in her Bedroom. She Had Blonde hair in a bun and A Flower Crown of Daisies, short shorts and A Purple hoodie with green cat eyes and ears on the top that stretched down slightly past her thighs. Her hood was not on.) Here's an example of what I might write if I were to write this sentence: "Pfff! As if!" laughed Isabella, a Thin Mint in hand. She and her friends were playing games in her bedroom. Her laugh causes a lock of her blonde hair to fall into her face, causing a daisy from her flower crown to fall to the floor. (later I'd put in the hoodie part) Don't be discouraged from there being too many errors. You're learning. Making mistakes can help you improve. Just keep working! 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pancake Posted September 8, 2020 Author Share Posted September 8, 2020 3 minutes ago, Sky said: 1. Words should only be capitalized (there's probably something I'm forgetting, but usually this is it) when A) They're the first word in a sentence (ex. The girls ate.) or B) They're a proper noun (names, places, brands, etc) (ex. Isabella ate Thin Mints.) 2. Try and spread out the descriptions-- just a little bit at a time (you can put more in one place if a character is looking someone down when meeting them-- ex. "A girl ran towards me. Her blonde hair fell out of her bun as she stepped, and her flower crown of daisies nearly fell off. She had a long purple cat hoodie on, though the hood was not up.). Instead of saying "She had blonde hair in a bun and a flower crown of daisies," try something like "A lock of her blonde hair fell out of her bun into her face, bringing a daisy from her flower crown with it." Give some action rather than just tell. 3. This is what's called a "run-on sentence". It's taken several subjects and put them in one sentence, making it too long and confusing. (An example with the run-on-ness corrected: “Pfff! As if!” Isabella Laughed as She And Her Friends Ate Thin-Mints And Played games in her Bedroom. She Had Blonde hair in a bun and A Flower Crown of Daisies, short shorts and A Purple hoodie with green cat eyes and ears on the top that stretched down slightly past her thighs. Her hood was not on.) Here's an example of what I might write if I were to write this sentence: "Pfff! As if!" laughed Isabella, a Thin Mint in hand. She and her friends were playing games in her bedroom. Her laugh causes a lock of her blonde hair to fall into her face, causing a daisy from her flower crown to fall to the floor. (later I'd put in the hoodie part) Don't be discouraged from there being too many errors. You're learning. Making mistakes can help you improve. Just keep working! Thanks for the Criticism- I’ll try not to make these mistakes when I finish Chapter two- this is why I need an editor. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bostonlobstah Posted September 9, 2020 Share Posted September 9, 2020 2 hours ago, Sky said: 1. Words should only be capitalized (there's probably something I'm forgetting, but usually this is it) when A) They're the first word in a sentence (ex. The girls ate.) or B) They're a proper noun (names, places, brands, etc) (ex. Isabella ate Thin Mints.) 2. Try and spread out the descriptions-- just a little bit at a time (you can put more in one place if a character is looking someone down when meeting them-- ex. "A girl ran towards me. Her blonde hair fell out of her bun as she stepped, and her flower crown of daisies nearly fell off. She had a long purple cat hoodie on, though the hood was not up.). Instead of saying "She had blonde hair in a bun and a flower crown of daisies," try something like "A lock of her blonde hair fell out of her bun into her face, bringing a daisy from her flower crown with it." Give some action rather than just tell. 3. This is what's called a "run-on sentence". It's taken several subjects and put them in one sentence, making it too long and confusing. (An example with the run-on-ness corrected: “Pfff! As if!” Isabella Laughed as She And Her Friends Ate Thin-Mints And Played games in her Bedroom. She Had Blonde hair in a bun and A Flower Crown of Daisies, short shorts and A Purple hoodie with green cat eyes and ears on the top that stretched down slightly past her thighs. Her hood was not on.) Here's an example of what I might write if I were to write this sentence: "Pfff! As if!" laughed Isabella, a Thin Mint in hand. She and her friends were playing games in her bedroom. Her laugh causes a lock of her blonde hair to fall into her face, causing a daisy from her flower crown to fall to the floor. (later I'd put in the hoodie part) Don't be discouraged from there being too many errors. You're learning. Making mistakes can help you improve. Just keep working! I agree with all of this (although with your last sentence you might not want to put 'cause/causing' in the same sentence twice.) This is actually an intriguing story. I might post some of my writings here too actually lol 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pancake Posted September 9, 2020 Author Share Posted September 9, 2020 10 minutes ago, bostonlobstah said: I agree with all of this (although with your last sentence you might not want to put 'cause/causing' in the same sentence twice.) This is actually an intriguing story. I might post some of my writings here too actually lol (Alright) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pancake Posted September 13, 2020 Author Share Posted September 13, 2020 Chapter 1 - Katie? You there? Mia woke up to a soft rain pattering on the window, the smell of bacon and the pop of a toaster. she sat up and looked around. Nobody was there, and there were flower crowns scattered across the floor, most likely from the sleepover that happened last night. She looked for Katie, but no Katie was to be seen. she then remembered the sleep over. She stood up and walked out of the room, and then down the carpeted stairs and into the kitchen where all her friends were, Isabella still had on her Purple cat hoodie, she turned, spotted Mia and waved. Mia waved back, her black hair bouncing with every step she took ”Well, well, well, look who’s Awake.” Emi joked, taking a bite of waffle on her fork and shoving it into her mouth, her red braided hair flung over her shoulders. “Oh, Hush.” Mia said, tossing back her hair. Quinn looked at Mia and smiled, her icy blue eyes sparkling. Quinn’s shirt had a Pokemon Snivy Print and it jumped out of the seat with Quinn as she went to hug Mia. ”Urk-“ Mia choked. “Quinn, your choking me.” Mia said, tapping Quinn’s Forearm. ”Oh!” Quinn jerked back, making her hair fly backwards. “Sorry.” She said, rubbing the back of her neck and moving bangs out of her eyes. ”No worries.” Mia shrugged. “Should we check up on Katie?” Isabella asked. ”After Breakfast.” Said Ms. Watson. ”Fiiine.” Quinn said. Mia sat down after grabbing a plate with eggs and Bacon and ate it quickly. After they had finished their food they tossed the plates into the sink and scurried up the stairs. Emi grabbed a walkie-talkie and shifted it to the correct channel then pressed a button and spoke. “Hey Katie, you there?” She asked. Static. ”Hellooo?” Emi asked. More static. ”Katie? You there?” Mia asked. Even more Static. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pancake Posted September 13, 2020 Author Share Posted September 13, 2020 *no motivation* 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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