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Trying to write a novel. Help?


Night

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So, I've thought of a story for many years and I want to make it real. I won't publish anything anytime soon, but I could want to start learning how to write so maybe one day the world can see it. But I need help, here is the doc to the book. ALotW means: A Laiteyn of the World. It's gonna be a big series( I hope) 

Warning : Blood, death, and some gore.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Jqkc-5H7ggB6W7g7NCwJJGB-lHNFcJc-8tZLSTGAX_w/edit?usp=drivesdk

 

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Hey there! I'd love to read the doc and maybe give some criticism, but trying to open it gives me the "Access is denied" screen. Am I just supposed to ask for access on there, or did you forget to set it to public?

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8 minutes ago, Night said:

So was the Prologue alright? Can I improve? 

It was way more than alright, it was amazing! The reason for the herbalist collars having a golden flower in them is pretty smart, and I specifically like the little bits of history sprinkled around! Not enough to paint the full picture, but enough to get you interested in this new world and how it works.

The only real criticism I have (and take this with a grain of salt), is that the info dump of the kitten's personalities and physical traits in Chapter 1 could have been done a tiny bit better. If I was in your shoes and wanted to, say, show that Smoke is skilled at catching flying insects, I would have written a scene where she is shown swiftly catching a fly, adding a description of her physical features in the scene as well. (<<< just an example)

But either way, I'm definitely enjoying the story and excited for new updates :D Best of luck! (Also I just read page 9, and this update further emphasizes my point on not painting the full picture but still getting you interested)

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Thank you! I thought of that as well and the chapter isn't over yet so, there will be more scenes involving the personalities of the sisters as well as new mysteries and doubts to Night's story, when I get this chapter done there will be a flashback to months earlier.

Also the comment section is in the doc so if you have any questions or suggestions, leave them there!

Thank you for reading this. Made my day happier :3 

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And of course, I'll edit it when the whole book is done, and when that happens, the next one begins! And that continues until I'm better at writing and maybe, just maybe, I'll take a step further!

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11 hours ago, PincerClaw420 said:

The only real criticism I have (and take this with a grain of salt), is that the info dump of the kitten's personalities and physical traits in Chapter 1 could have been done a tiny bit better. If I was in your shoes and wanted to, say, show that Smoke is skilled at catching flying insects, I would have written a scene where she is shown swiftly catching a fly, adding a description of her physical features in the scene as well. (<<< just an example)

I have things I want to do right now so I haven't read the doc yet but I will later...but looking at this^, I have another recommendation: scatter everything. don't put every personality and physical trait in chapter one. spread them out, especially the appearance. put in the most important traits earlier on, but save the other ones for later. and like Pincer said, show don't tell (don't use the word "feel").

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I haven't read the whole thing yet, but it is pretty decent so far. The only things I can really criticize right now is commas being where they shouldn't, overly long sentences, and a small story thing:

The name 'Night' feels very out of place amongst the more niche (not like the game but the actual word) names that all the other cats have like 'Ghoa', 'Nela' and 'Sereneo'. Not a huge problem, but it did kinda throw me off

I haven't read the whole thing yet, but I hope to learn more about how the society works, since so far it gives off Medieval vibes more than anything

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8 minutes ago, Katumai said:

I haven't read the whole thing yet, but it is pretty decent so far. The only things I can really criticize right now is commas being where they shouldn't, overly long sentences, and a small story thing:

The name 'Night' feels very out of place amongst the more niche (not like the game but the actual word) names that all the other cats have like 'Ghoa', 'Nela' and 'Sereneo'. Not a huge problem, but it did kinda throw me off

I haven't read the whole thing yet, but I hope to learn more about how the society works, since so far it gives off Medieval vibes more than anything

Alright I finished it, so to add on to this:

Most of the problems are just not putting periods where they should be or using too many periods, but one thing I noticed was that the descriptions of things happening are a bit too simple, if that makes sense? Like:

Instead of saying 'she slipped and fell' say something along the lines of 'but she stumbled, losing balance and falling to the ground' or something

More of a personal preference, but I enjoy reading it a lot more than a short description

That's all I've got for now, it's not amazing but it's not bad by any means either, with some work it could be a good story ^^

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8 hours ago, Katumai said:

 And a small story thing:

The name 'Night' feels very out of place amongst the more niche (not like the game but the actual word) names that all the other cats have like 'Ghoa', 'Nela' and 'Sereneo'. Not a huge problem, but it did kinda throw me off

 

The names that the sisters have like 'Night' are supposed to be there for an important reason. It's something that impacted Nela's life and wanted to portray it in her daughters. She's got a little secret 😉 

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8 hours ago, Katumai said:

Alright, I finished it, so to add on to this:

Most of the problems are just not putting periods where they should be or using too many periods, but one thing I noticed was that the descriptions of things happening are a bit too simple, if that makes sense? Like:

Instead of saying 'she slipped and fell' say something along the lines of 'but she stumbled, losing balance and falling to the ground' or something

It more of a personal preference, but I enjoy reading it a lot more than a short description

That's all I've got for now, it's not amazing but it's not bad by any means either, with some work it could be a good story ^^

The simple sentences have always been troubling me, but I'll try to work on that in the future. 

Can you give an example of the 'too many periods' and 'not putting periods where it should be' as well? I'd like to develop that.

Thanks for the criticism! It helps a lot.

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Chapter 1 is now done! Wow, I never thought it could cost that much, at all. So apart from the sisters info dump. How was the chapter? Any specific scenes I need to change? 

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On 3/21/2021 at 4:50 AM, Night said:

I've started with chapter 2 any thoughts on it? 

 

20 hours ago, Night said:

Ok, so nothing I guess

 

1 hour ago, Night said:

Like, nothing, at all? Or am I just getting ignored '-'

they have probably haven't gotten online yet! you'll get a response 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Chapter 2 Is now finished! From now on there won't be so many POV changes and the focus will be on the protagonist. I'm so happy .yay. Any criticism?

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2 hours ago, Night said:

Chapter 2 Is now finished! From now on there won't be so many POV changes and the focus will be on the protagonist. I'm so happy .yay. Any criticism?

I don't have any criticism, but as always, this chapter is amazing! I'll also have to agree with Shelai, I am very interested in the economy...

(Spoilers)Poor Deel though, I hope his sacrifice won't be in vain..

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I swear I'm gonna be happy this whole month because of this comment. Also, Shelai is a character that was made for my cousin so I'm glad to hear that! Have a good day or night ;)

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1 hour ago, PincerClaw420 said:

 I'll also have to agree with Shelai, I am very interested in the economy...

I've edited the economy part! Now it talks more about teeth. Which aren't gained from cats, but birds. It'll be explained why they have teeth, in the future.

Do you imagine a pigeon with teeth? That'd be horrifying. Well, that is normal for these kitties!

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New Update: I've changed the teeth in collars topic because... It just seemed like a warrior cats rip off from blood clan. Birds still have teeth and it is still used for decoring collars, but more objects will be attached to collars. For example: Feathers, flowers, bird talons, gold, animal skulls, etc. 

I've also edited the first message to put a warning, as this is going to be a kinda violent book. Still has wholesome scenes tho!

Now, very important questions. Should this have pictures of scenes? And a map of Laiteyn? If so, how many pictures per chapter? Which scenes do you guys find that could use a picture?

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  • 2 weeks later...

Last Update: I am closing the doc. I have been slowing down more and more every day. And so I think I need a break. A long one. I'll be focusing on my mental health and grades now. 

And I am deleting the map because. idk. Someone might steal it and claim it is theirs. 

Goodbye to all for now. Thanks for your support. ❤️

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