` Whitetail's Sorrow ` [ Original warriors book ]

[Quaitail]

- Prologue-

Whitetail, padded to his den, nudging his brother to wake up. `` Spiderstripe , wake up! ``  whitetail mewed, swaying his tail. `` we have a clan meeting, stop being so lazy for once and get up!`` he, grumbled. ``ugh.. finee..`` Spider'stripe, got up and walked out of the den. `` its so moist and hot out here..`` Spiderstripe, was panting a little. `` We, are in Sahara'clan anyway``  The two brothers walked away, to  get prey.  [End of prologue]

- Chapter 1-

`` Are, you sure we reached our destination?``

White'tail, questioned, pondering around.

`` I think so, if i remembered Correctly, some of the deer herds and birds moved here.``

Spider'stripe, replied smartly.

The, brothers explored the area, mewing so slightly, at the new wonderful smells, but little did they know, they were trespassing, on Treeclan's territory.

`` Hey!, what are you doing on Treeclan's territory!``

a, she-cat, jumped out of the bushes snarling.

`` Huh?, Tree'clan?, In this area..? Brother was there a tree'clan that existed?``

Spider'stripe was puzzled, he never heard of this `` tree'clan``.

`` Apparently not..`` 

White'tail was also puzzled, but more dumb-founded.

`` Wait!, you never heard of tree'clan, Ugh.. of course``

The she-cat, sighed and returned to their gaze, before introducing her-self.

`` The, names Umbra.. Umbra'gaze ``

`` Umbra'gaze?, sounds like a Haze'clan name to me.``

Spider'stripe, pointed out.

`` Haze'cla-.. Nevermind that, what you're doing is, Trespassing.``

The she-cat added.

`` oh, we shall leave at once..``

said, the two brothers, preparing to trot off.

``No!- I mean..``

Umbra'gaze sighed.

 

[His Highness Lord Hades]

4 minutes ago, Quaitail said:

- Prologue-

Whitetail, padded to his den, nudging his brother to wake up. `` Spiderstripe , wake up! ``  whitetail mewed, swaying his tail. `` we have a clan meeting, stop being so lazy for once and get up!`` he, grumbled. ``ugh.. finee..`` Spider'stripe, got up and walked out of the den. `` its so moist and hot out here..`` Spiderstripe, was panting a little. `` We, are in Sahara'clan anyway``  The two brothers walked away, to  get prey.  [End of prologue]

This looks good so far!

[Quaitail]

1 minute ago, Tornado said:

This looks good so far!

thanks!

[Quaitail]

Just now, Quaitail said:

thanks!

my fingers are broken tho- T-T

[ItzFadeDaNightWing]

While you add on to your story, do you mind if I give constructive criticism, or not? I want to respect you and dont want to offend anyone, so I’ll ask before leaving feedback here :]

[Quaitail]

On 5/15/2022 at 3:55 PM, ItzFadeDaSnek said:

While you add on to your story, do you mind if I give constructive criticism, or not? I want to respect you and dont want to offend anyone, so I’ll ask before leaving feedback here :]

add constructive criticism p l e a s e

[ItzFadeDaNightWing]

Let me give an example of how a conversation is usually written in books.

"_____, we should go to the mountains! I heard they're very pretty," ----- said eagerly.

_____ grinned. "Okay, fine, you win," they said in defeat.

It makes it less hard on the eyes in my opinion and has a better look overall.

 

Now for the actual words itself. I know that quality over quantity is a thing, but adding longer chapters and prologues and stuff, with more detail makes for a much more interesting book. If you use google docs, about 3-4+ pages is a chapter with like- font size 15. It makes a book a lot longer and full of more details, and in general is better for chapter books.

Also, I advise not using dialogue every few paragraphs. Only having dialogue doesn't give much to the imagination, and having more details and explanation of the mood and surrounding area brings a book to life and lets people imagine what things look like.

You might not read Wings of Fire, but imagine describing IceWings as "Usually blue and white dragons that live in the cold"

It gives no details to their wings, claws, tail, body form, abilities, NOTHING! 😧 

Anyways, don't take offense, these are just some *pro* tips to get you started! Have fun writing, you can always ask me questions abt writing if ur stuck and I'll see if I can help :]

[savya]

2 hours ago, ItzFadeDaSnek said:

Let me give an example of how a conversation is usually written in books.

"_____, we should go to the mountains! I heard they're very pretty," ----- said eagerly.

_____ grinned. "Okay, fine, you win," they said in defeat.

It makes it less hard on the eyes in my opinion and has a better look overall.

 

Now for the actual words itself. I know that quality over quantity is a thing, but adding longer chapters and prologues and stuff, with more detail makes for a much more interesting book. If you use google docs, about 3-4+ pages is a chapter with like- font size 15. It makes a book a lot longer and full of more details, and in general is better for chapter books.

Also, I advise not using dialogue every few paragraphs. Only having dialogue doesn't give much to the imagination, and having more details and explanation of the mood and surrounding area brings a book to life and lets people imagine what things look like.

You might not read Wings of Fire, but imagine describing IceWings as "Usually blue and white dragons that live in the cold"

It gives no details to their wings, claws, tail, body form, abilities, NOTHING! 😧 

Anyways, don't take offense, these are just some *pro* tips to get you started! Have fun writing, you can always ask me questions abt writing if ur stuck and I'll see if I can help :]

Fade I am assuming your great in writing class

 

[ItzFadeDaNightWing]

4 hours ago, The One Who Turned Pale said:

Fade I am assuming your great in writing class

 

thamk :]