liam's incorrect quotes thread

[2763miles]

ye

 

most of these r gonna be quotes for characters from a comic im working on concepts and plot for

[2763miles]

here's the character list btw

 

Rusty
Checkbook
Quill
DF
Diosoal
Postage Stamp
Lotus Flower
Lava Lamp

 

Checkbook: I'm gonna get my pilot's license. I've already got a driver's license and a cosmetology license, that's two of the big five licenses.
Rusty: The big five licenses?
Checkbook: Driver's license, cosmetology license, pilot's license, fishing license, and… license to kill! I can't wait to get that one.

 

Lotus Flower: I’ve been sleeping so little the past few nights that when I go to the alarm app, I click on the “power nap” button. I don’t set up alarms, I set up timers, Diosoal.

 

DF: I dropped Postage Stamp.
Quill: DF, what the hell.

 

DF: *on the phone* Just snap his kneecaps and he’ll talk, I’m at a parent teacher conference.
DF: Anyways, you said Postage Stamp is enjoying finger painting! That's great.

 

Lava Lamp: *pitches an idea*
Quill, impressed: Huh, there might be something here!
Lotus Flower, under their breath: Yeah, a lawsuit.

 

Diosoal: What the hell.
Diosoal: ESPN is showing 2003 national jump rope championship.
Diosoal: Who the hell watches jump rope competiti- ooh bouncy.

 

Rusty: Why aren’t you sleeping?
Lotus Flower: I’m too busy plotting your murder to sleep, Rusty.
Rusty:
Lotus Flower: ...The nightmares.
Rusty: *wrapping their arms around Lotus Flower* Awwww, sweetie-

^ ok but this is literally their dynamic

 

Rusty: :)
Lotus Flower: >:(
Rusty: Turn that frown upside down!
Lotus Flower: ):<
Rusty: Not sure what I was expecting...

 

DF: Why were you up yesterday until 3am?
Postage Stamp: How did you know I was up until 3am?
Rusty: We could hear you clapping to the FRIENDS intro every 25 minutes.

 

Lotus Flower: I feel like I can be myself around you.
Checkbook: You’re weird and quiet around me.
Lotus Flower: Yes.

[2763miles]

Quill: I really like Eminem.
Rusty: I prefer skittles.
Diosoal: He is talking about the rapper.
Rusty: Why would he eat the wrapper?

^ he tried eating a soda can once, i wouldn't be surprised if he did eat the wrapper

 

Postage Stamp: Here you go, Checkbook, a nice hot cup of coffee!
Checkbook: It's cold.
Postage Stamp: A nice cup of coffee.
Checkbook: It's horrible!
Postage Stamp: Cup of coffee.
Checkbook: I'm not sure if this even IS coffee.
Postage Stamp: C U P.

 

Quill: Why does everyone want to kill Lava Lamp?
Checkbook: Because, goddamnit, have you seen him? Her neck looks so snappable.

 

Quill: Come on Diosoal, do it for our friendship. You can't put a price on that...
Diosoal: Yes I can, dear. Fifty dollars.

 

Rusty: So, according to my university, it is, quote, “my responsibility if there is an internet outage to contact the faculty and the department.”
Rusty: Now, if you’re a critical thinker like me, you might be wondering one thing.
Rusty: HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO EMAIL THE DEPARTMENT?!?!?!

 

Rusty: Are you this rude to everyone?!
Checkbook: Yup.
Checkbook: Don't think you're special.

 

Lava Lamp: I hate you sometimes.
DF: Well according to this picture Rusty drew of us holding hands that's not true.
Lava Lamp: DF, you drew that.
DF: It doesn't matter.

 

Postage Stamp: I was put on this earth to do one thing.
Postage Stamp: Luckily I forgot what it was so I can do whatever I want.

 

DF: What? I'm not aggressive!
Rusty: Last Tuesday, you wacked me with a pair of crocs and stole my chocolate chips!
DF: Survival of the fittest.

 

Lotus Flower: Hand me the people opener.
Quill: ...
Quill: Pardon?
Lotus Flower, annoyed: The people opener! Just hand it to me!
Quill, stressed: WHAT THE HELL IS A PEOPLE OPENER?
Lotus Flower: How do you not know what a people opener is? Its pointy- you know? With a handle?
Quill: Knife. It's called a knife.

 

Diosoal: You're a lying piece of crap!
Lotus Flower: Oh yeah? You're the idiot that thinks you can get away with everything you do, WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!
Lava Lamp: I'm leaving and I'm taking Quill with me!
Rusty, gathering cards: Aaaaand that's enough Monopoly for today.

 

DF: What do you guys do when you're stressed?
Rusty: Try and calm myself down!
Quill: Sleep.
Lava Lamp: Get myself into even more stress, so that the first reason for my stress gets cancelled out.
Postage Stamp: I don't.

 

Checkbook, slamming pots and pans together to the rhythm of "Give it to me, I'm worth it": I didn't get no sleep cause a' y'all! Y'all never gonna sleep cause a' me!

 

DF: I just learned a way to get stuff on the cheap. Steal it!

 

DF: Next time I'm at the pet store, I'm gonna take a hamster and drop it in the scorpion cage. I wanna see what a hamster's face looks like when it goes, "oh, crap."

 

DF & Lava Lamp: *Playing video games*
Quill: You guys woke up at 5:30 in the morning just to play games?
DF: *silence*
Lava Lamp: *silence*
Quill, finally figuring it out: ...You two never went to sleep, did you?
DF & Lava Lamp in shame: Yeah...

 

Quill: Hey, Diosoal you're smart, tell me what would happen if I chugged 3 gallons of chloroform.
Diosoal: Have you ever been to a mortuary?
Quill: Yea, my grandma lives there.
Rusty: That is the worst response to that question.

 

Checkbook, walking into their house: Hello, people who do not live here.
Lotus Flower: Hey.
Quill: Hi.
Postage Stamp: Hello.
Lava Lamp: Hey!
Checkbook: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!
Rusty: We were out of Doritos.

 

Lotus Flower: When was the last time you cried?
Lava Lamp: Uh, 15 minutes ago, why??
Lotus Flower: Really? That recent?
Lava Lamp: Yeah *voice crack* is that a issue? *starts crying again*

 

DF: Lava Lamp's first detention, I'm so proud.
Checkbook: Whoa, back up. Why did he get detention?
Diosoal: Because she's an idiot.
Postage Stamp, terrified: They can do that??

 

Checkbook: You’re jealous.
Diosoal: Jealous?
Checkbook: That’s why you were being so negative about this.
Diosoal: That’s absurd. I’m always negative.

 

Checkbook: You guys worried about Lava Lamp?
Rusty: Totally!
Postage Stamp: Yeah, he called me in the middle of the night and just yelled, "what do I do, what do I do, what do I do, what do I do?"
Checkbook: And what'd you say?
Postage Stamp: "I dunno, I dunno, I dunno, I dunno."
Rusty:
Checkbook: They're lucky to have you as a friend.

 

Postage Stamp: Lol. Heads up if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you’ll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this.
Rusty: What did you do, Postage Stamp?
Postage Stamp: A mistake.

[2763miles]

here's some for some of the cast of aquatic archipelago (a niche playthrough i never posted) too

Dogfish
Tigershark
Orca
Acorn
Whale
Orca II
Orca III
Tigershark II
Catfish
Alligator
Alligator II
Swordfish
Anglerfish

 

Alligator: *walks to cabinet, removes oreo box, takes half a sleeve, throws empty box out* Hi!
Anglerfish: Hey- what are you doing-?
Alligator, shoving an oreo into their mouth: I am saving space : D

 

Dogfish: So, what's it like living with Catfish?
Orca III: They once referred to sand as "heterosexual glitter."
Dogfish: ...
Orca III: I love them so much.

[2763miles]

Diosoal, grinning: Before you were what?
Checkbook: Before I was-
Diosoal: What?
Checkbook: Before I was inter-
Diosoal: Before you were interrupted?
Checkbook: Cut me off one more time and I swear I'll-
Diosoal: What?
Checkbook: *makes frustrated sound*
Quill, nervously: Stop that. Before she hurts you.

 

Postage Stamp: Change is inedible.
Lotus Flower: Don’t you mean inevitable?
Postage Stamp, spitting out a bunch of pennies: No, I really didn’t

 

Rusty: I don't follow the rules. I follow dogs on social media.

 

Quill: ...I'm pretty sure that place is fire-proof, or something. 
Checkbook, grenade in hand: Alright, but is it explosion-proof? 

 

Postage Stamp: Guess what I'm about to get! 
Lava Lamp: On my nerves. 

 

Quill: They made Rusty cry!
Lava Lamp: Rusty always cries!
Rusty: That's not true! *cries*

 

Kidnapper: I have one of your boyfriends.
Lava Lamp: Which one? I have two.
Kidnapper: The loud, annoying, rowdy one who never shuts up.
Lava Lamp: Which one? I have two.
DF, distantly: HEY!!!

[2763miles]

DF: What if Cinderella was a baking slave instead of a cleaning slave, and her name was Mozzarella?
Checkbook: Don't ever speak to me again.

 

DF: Lava Lamp, can you help me? All of my clothes keep disappearing for some reason.
Lava Lamp, wearing a hoodie that's 5 times bigger than his size: Spooky.

 

Checkbook: But when all hope seemed lost, I had an epiphany!
Checkbook, earlier: I'm going to throw myself into the sea.

 

Lotus Flower: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*
Checkbook: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I’d have 15 cents.
Lotus Flower: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you.
Postage Stamp: Actually I did the math, Checkbook would have $225, not $0.15.
Checkbook: Fam I’m right here....
Quill: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda
Lotus Flower: while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice please?
Quill: Sorry I only have a dollar.
Lotus Flower: :(
Postage Stamp: Hey I just realized my friend is right, Checkbook would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent.
Quill: If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice.
Postage Stamp: You can buy anything you want with $22,500.
DF: Yeah and they want soda and apply juice.
Postage Stamp: Apply juice to what.
DF: Directly to the forehead.
Checkbook: Great chat everyone.

 

DF: All in all, a 100% successful trip.
Quill: But we lost Checkbook.
DF: All in all, a 100% successful trip!

[2763miles]

Rusty: I'm trying to juggle family life and work life but I can't seem to find a balance. What do you suggest I do to keep everyone happy?
Diosoal, deadpan: Quit your job, kill your family.

 

Checkbook: I'm going the fight the next person who insults Quill.
Quill: I hate myself.
Checkbook: Alright, square up.

^ quill please she's going to beat the crap out of you 😭

 

Lava Lamp: You have an impressive pain tolerance.
DF: Thanks, it's the trauma.

 

Postage Stamp: I have so much energy, I want to run a marathon or commit a crime... which should I do?
Rusty: Please don’t get arrested.
Postage Stamp: No promises! ❤️
Lotus Flower: Why not both? Get creative!
Postage Stamp: Wonderful suggestion, thank you.
Rusty: Please don’t encourage xem, Lotus Flower.

 

Diosoal: Life is like Rusty. It's short.

^ literally

 

Rusty: *dangling from a rope over a pit of fire* Remember when I said I’d tell you when we’re in too deep?
Checkbook: Yes?
Rusty: We’re in too deep.

 

Lotus Flower: Did you know you remind me of all 26 letters of the alphabet?
Rusty: What? Like J F K W S Q X-
Lotus Flower: No, like, U R A Q T.
Rusty: Awwww!

 

Checkbook: Adults are the most insanely stupid people I have the displeasure of interacting with.
Quill, referring to himself and DF: Even us?
Checkbook: Especially you guys.
DF:
Quill:
DF: Petition to kick Checkbook out so they stop insulting us.
Quill: Seconded.

 

Diosoal: Can you recommend a book that'll make me cry?
Checkbook: General Mathematics 8th Grade Edition.

 

DF: I like wearing oversized sweaters. Not just because they're extremely comfy and cuddly, but because whenever the sleeves are really big, I get to flop them around and smack people.

 

Quill: Kill me nowwwww.
Postage Stamp: Sorry, no can do. I need your help with my homework.

 

Lotus Flower: Never gonna make you cry!
Postage Stamp: Never gonna say goodbye!
Lotus Flower: Never gonna tell a lie—
Checkbook: I will hurt you.

 

DF: That was a joke. Say ha.
Checkbook: Ha.
DF: Now do it again.
Checkbook: Ha.
DF: Congratulations, you are officially the life of the party.

 

Quill: I drink to forget but I always remember.
Rusty: You're drinking orange juice.

 

Lotus Flower: You’re starting to look like me more and more every day—
DF: *Bursts into tears*
Lotus Flower: Why are you crying?
DF: You’re ugly! I don’t want to look like you! *sobs*

 

Quill: Would you rather kill Postage Stamp, or—
Checkbook: Yes, kill xem.
Quill: I didn’t say the other thing—
Checkbook: I don’t need to hear it.
Postage Stamp: …I’m feeling a little unsafe.

 

DF: Do crabs think people walk sideways?
Lava Lamp: ...DF, what the hell.

 

 

[2763miles]

i forgot some characters, here's the updated list

 

Rusty
Checkbook
Quill
DF
Diosoal
Postage Stamp
Lotus Flower
Lava Lamp
Gator
Inkblot
Tire Swing

 

Tire Swing: Why are you on fire?
Checkbook: This is just how my day is going.

 

Checkbook: Didn't you die?!
Postage Stamp: That was weeks ago, dude. Things change.

 

DF: ...My man Diosoal just killed a goldfish.
Diosoal: *licking their lips* Yup. Delicious.

 

DF: I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff.
Checkbook: I witnessed the dumb stuff.
Tire Swing: I recorded the dumb stuff.
Quill: I joined you in the dumb stuff.
Rusty: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!

 

Quill: I'm hot, I’m tall, I'm gay, and I'm on my theatre kid arc.

^ if they just added the fact that he's british (and he's actually pretty short) it would be perfect

 

Postage Stamp, texting Rusty: Rusty there’s a moth on the outside of the bathroom door can you get rid of it?
Postage Stamp: Pls hurry because I’m going to cry
Postage Stamp: Rusty
Postage Stamp: Rusty
Rusty: Rusty is dead. You’re next. Love, Moth.

 

DF: Quill taught me to think before I act.
DF: ...So if I smack the crap out of you, rest assured that I thought about it and am confident in my decision.

 

DF: Are pigeons drones?
Inkblot: What? No, I'm trying to sleep.
DF: Think about it. How come you've never seen a baby pigeon? And why do you never actually see a pigeon nest? Because they're DRONES!
Inkblot: *Crying* Please let me sleep...

 

Checkbook: Yeah, well I've never died so how do I know that god is real.

 

Lava Lamp: Wow! Checkbook made you cry?
Inkblot, tearing up: Yes, and it said some really mean things that are only partly true.

 

Diosoal: I have no respect for Santa. Don’t sneak in through the chimney and undermine my authority by bringing my family presents. Walk in through the front door and fight me like a man.

 

Postage Stamp: That’s illegal, right?
Checkbook: Why do you care? Are you a cop?
Postage Stamp: No-
Checkbook: Then shut the hell up.

 

Diosoal: I only have 6 weeks left to live.
Gator: Oh my god, really?!
Diosoal: It's just a guesstimate based on the choices I've made.

 

Checkbook: Ooh, somebody has a crush
Rusty: Pfft, I don’t have a crush on Lotus Flower I just think she's cool, it’s not like I stay up at night thinking about them.
*Later that night*
Rusty, very much awake: Uh oh.

 

Tire Swing: Something tells me DF's going to be a bit more unhinged today... 
DF, holding a lit match and a bag of cheetos: Leave me be, Postage Stamp isn't home to stop me, I'm going feral. 

 

Checkbook: DF, this morning, I called you abhorrent and reprehensible, and I’d like to withdraw that statement-
DF: Aww, thanks-
Checkbook: But I can't. Those are the 2 words that best describe you.

 

DF: Postage Stamp gave me a get better soon card.
Quill: That's sweet!
DF: I wasn't sick, xe just thinks I can do better.

 

*Rusty and Lava Lamp's house is on fire, but they don't know it*
Rusty: Damn, it's hot in here.
Lava Lamp: I know, it's so hot there's smoke coming out of the vent!
Rusty:
Rusty: First of all, I'm assuming you have no idea what the problem with that statement is.
Lava Lamp: What?
Rusty: Second of all, we need to get the hell out of here, NOW.

^ they don't canonically live together but im really considering it now because of this

 

Tire Swing: Do you have a bobby pin?
Diosoal: Yeah. *searches in their (nonexistent) hair*
Diosoal: Oh, no, wait. I’m not a nine-year-old girl.

 

Inkblot: Did you ever have like a pet run away and find it or anything?
Rusty: I had a lizard that I burnt.

 

Checkbook: *shatters a window and climbs through it*
Checkbook: *turns around and helps Inkblot through it* Breaking and entering is wrong Inkblot.
Inkblot: Okay.

 

Rusty: Your smug self-assuredness is revolting.
DF: I think we need to validate self confidence more, lest you end up angry at others for having even a sliver of it. I've done nothing wrong and I have a heart of gold.
Tire Swing: I think this message is extremely valid, but also DF has implied wanting to set off the Yellowstone supervolcano, so what's the truth?
DF: I want to set it off.

 

Postage Stamp: I’m totally useless. 
Quill: You’re not totally useless. 
Quill: You can be used as a bad example. 

 

Rusty: *is throwing stones at Diosoal's window*
Diosoal: You have a phone for a reason, Rusty!
*THUD*
Diosoal: DID YOU JUST THROW YOUR PHONE AT MY WINDOW?!

 

Quill: So... This is my full potential?
Lotus Flower: Yes.
Quill: So, then it's...
Lotus Flower: All downhill from here.
Quill: Like Inkblot.
Lotus Flower: I do not know what this Inkblot is. But it sounds disappointing.

^ the fact that both quill and inkblot have smth to do with ink,,,,, (inkblot is an artist and quill can manipulate ink)

 

Inkblot: It’s nice to be wanted, you know?
Diosoal: Not by the law!

 

DF: *coughs blood*
Tire Swing: Don't die, DF!
DF: Don't tell me what to do!

 

Rusty: How do you want your coffee?
Tire Swing: Black, like my soul.
Rusty:
Rusty: Tire Swing, your soul is a latte.

 

DF, Inkblot & Lava Lamp: *screaming*
Lotus Flower: *runs into the room* What's wrong, Lava Lamp?!
DF: Wait, why are you asking Lava Lamp that when Inkblot and I are also here?
Lotus Flower: Because Lava Lamp wouldn't scream unless it's an emergency. You two scream whenever you have the chance.

 

Gator: Quill-
Quill: *sighs* Postage Stamp used to call me Quill...
Gator: ...Because it's your fricking name.

[2763miles]

Rusty: Guys, I didn’t memorize my lines!
Tire Swing: Just use your lack of common sense! Everyone knows the characters in plays are dumb as hell!
*During the play*
Inkblot: Hey! You finally made it! Did you get the donuts?
Rusty: W-what’re donuts?

 

Checkbook: Here are two pictures. One of them is your bedroom, and the other is a garbage dumpster. Can you tell which is which?
Diosoal:
Diosoal: This one is the dumpster.
Checkbook: They’re both your bedroom.

 

Diosoal: Why am I the bad guy?
Checkbook: I don't know, why am I the pretty one? We all have our thing.

 

Rusty: I wasn’t that drunk.
Lotus Flower: You colored my face with a highlighter because you said I was important.
Rusty: BECAUSE YOU ARE!

 

Lotus Flower: If we don’t get out of this alive… If we’re both about to die… I love you, Rusty!
*Neither of them die*
Rusty: …
Lotus Flower: …
Rusty: So do you wanna talk about somethi-
Lotus Flower: No thank you.

 

Lotus Flower: I need life advice.
Rusty, sipping Gatorade and eating cookie dough: You came to the right person.

^somehow i managed to get ones that are just these two three times in a row

 

Quill: Can I have some? 
Gator, mouth full of cheesecake: It's really spicy, you wouldn't like it. 

 

*The gang responding to being stabbed by a sword*
DF: Rude.
Gator: That's fair.
Lotus Flower: Not again.
Diosoal: Are you gonna want this back or can I keep it?

^ OH YEA did i ever say that one time lotus flower fought a rlly hard boss in a roblox game once with other people and with nothing but a sword (the boss had a sword too) and literally was the last person alive and almost won (i think she only needed to get two more hits in)

 

Quill: My life isn't as glamourous as my wanted poster makes it look.

 

Diosoal: Some people are like slinkies.
Rusty: What?
Diosoal: Not really good for much but bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.
Rusty:
Rusty: Please don't push DF down the stairs.
Diosoal, pushing DF down the stairs: Too late.

 

 

[2763miles]

decided to do just rusty and lotus flower quotes since apparenly the generator ships them too (they're canonically dating)

Rusty: How much did you spend on this date?
Lotus Flower: $1400. But all of it's on credit cards, so it's like $5 a month for the next 2,000 years.

 

Lotus Flower: Okay, I’m going to get the wedding cake.
Rusty: Perfect, while you do that I’ll check on the ring bear.
Lotus Flower: ...
Lotus Flower: You mean ring bearER, right?
Rusty: ...
Lotus Flower: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.

 

Lotus Flower: The stars are so beautiful...
Rusty: They're just giant balls of gas.
Lotus Flower: You know what, if you're just going to ruin this, then-
Rusty: And yet none of them are as huge as my love for you.
Lotus Flower: Oh...

 

Rusty: Are you sure Lotus Flower's even gay? She barely even looked at me.

 

Rusty, throwing their head into Lotus Flower's lap: Tell me I'm pretty!
Lotus Flower, lovingly stroking their back: You're pretty fricking annoying, that's what you are.

 

Lotus Flower: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos-
Rusty: I wrote you a poem.
Lotus Flower, already crying: You did?

 

Rusty: That was so hot, Lotus Flower.
Lotus Flower: I literally called the person who just flirted with you a degenerate dog and told them I hope they get dragged through the streets.
Rusty: I'm so in love with you.

 

Lotus Flower: I owe you one.
Rusty: That’s ok. You can just date me and we’ll call it even.

 

Rusty: Are we fighting or flirting?
Lotus Flower: I'm pinning you against a wall with my hands around your neck-
Rusty: Your point?

 

Lotus Flower: I love you.
Rusty, not paying attention: What was that?
Lotus Flower: I said I’m selling you to the zOo-

 

Rusty, sweating: Lotus Flower, there’s something I need to ask you-
Lotus Flower: Finally! You’re proposing!
Rusty: How’d you know?
Lotus Flower: Rusty, you’ve dropped the ring five times during dinner.
Lotus Flower: I even picked it up once.

 

Lotus Flower: I have feelings for you.
Rusty: Why? What's wrong with you? Are you sure you're okay?

 

Lotus Flower: Is something burning?
Rusty, leaning on the counter: Just my desire for you.
Lotus Flower: Rusty, the toaster is literally on fire.

 

Rusty: I can't take this anymore, someone needs to take me out!
Lotus Flower: In a dating type of way, or an assassination type of way?
Rusty: I don't know, surprise me!

[2763miles]

also df and lava lamp quotes

Lava Lamp: I’m in love with you.
DF: We called off the prank war last night at midnight, dork.
Lava Lamp: I know.
DF: Ah. Okay. Um. Cool. Neat. Very cool. Cool. Cool. Coolcoolcool-

 

Lava Lamp: You have to apologize to them DF.
DF: Fine! But I must warn you that this might make me a better, nicer person and that is NOT the person you fell in love with!

 

Lava Lamp: The first time I saw you, you stole my heart. 
DF: But I'm a kleptomaniac, so that doesn't mean anything. 

 

Lava Lamp walking into the kitchen and seeing all his limes peeled: DF, I love you but, what the h-e-double frick.
DF, sipping coffee happily: I love you too

 

*DF and Lava Lamp are in Paris.*
DF: I'm...moved. I...I don't know what it is I'm feeling right now. I feel...destiny?
Lava Lamp: But...
DF: I don't know what it is. I feel like... I just never thought I'd see it with my own two eyes. And here it is. It's just there. It's right in front of me, and...
Lava Lamp: This is what you wanted to see? The bridge from Inception?
DF: Yeah.
Lava Lamp: But the Eiffel Tower is behind us, babe.
DF: Yeah, but this is the bridge FROM INCEPTION.
Lava Lamp: Okay, alright.

 

Lava Lamp: Did it hurt when you fell-
DF: From heaven? Wow, I didn’t think you were such a flirt-
Lava Lamp: No, I meant when you fell down the stairs.
DF: ...
Lava Lamp: You just laid there for 15 minutes.

 

Lava Lamp: I’ve been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response.
DF: Wow. They sound stupid.
Lava Lamp: But they’re not. They’re really smart actually. Just dense.
DF: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… “Hey! I love you!”
Lava Lamp: I guess you’re right. Hey DF, I love you.
DF: See! Just say that!
Lava Lamp: Holy fricking crap.
DF: If that flies over their head then, sorry Lava Lamp, but they're too dumb for you.
Lava Lamp: DF.

[2763miles]

DF: I am 39 cheetos tall.
Inkblot: Why... are you measuring your height in cheetos?
DF: Because we're out of doritos.

 

Rusty: Don't worry, I've got a few knives up my sleeve.
Tire Swing: I think you mean cards.
Postage Stamp: She did not.
Rusty, pulling out knives: I did not.

 

Diosoal: You're violent.
DF: Yeah but I'm also short and that's adorable.

 

Lava Lamp: The last time I went to an urgent care clinic, I checked off 'excessive crying' on the symptom list, and then the nurse got really confused and said that was meant for babies.

 

Diosoal: *walking around disappointed after visiting an aquarium*
Tire Swing: Diosoal, what did you think a tiger shark was?

 

Quill: I’m telling you, my team is competent.
Lava Lamp, rushing in: Quill! Postage Stamp tried to make pasta in the coffee pot and now it's broken!

 

Checkbook: Are you ever going to listen to me?
Rusty: Yes. Absolutely.
Checkbook: When?
Rusty: When you're right.

 

Diosoal: Damn, the power went out.
DF: Don’t worry, I got this.
DF: *stomps foot*
Diosoal: What-?
DF: *Sketchers light up*

 

Rusty: Could you guys at least try to see this from my perspective?
Checkbook: *crouches down*
Tire Swing: *kneels down*
Postage Stamp: *sits on the floor*
Rusty:
Rusty: I hate all of you.

 

Lotus Flower: I just heard Rusty call the dog a “fricking liar” because he barked like someone was at the door and no one was there.

 

*The squad's reaction to being told they're the chosen one*
Checkbook: I will not let you down.
Postage Stamp: Sounds fun.
Gator: K.
DF: No, I'm fricking not.
Quill: Do I have to be?
Rusty: Please god, I am so tired.

 

Rusty: I'm naturally funny because my life is a joke. 

 

Quill: I just watched DF jump off of a spinning chair. Luckily, they weren't hurt that badly. But the whole time, Inkblot was screaming for help, which caused Lotus Flower to run in to help DF. Just note that all of this happened in the span of six minutes. 

 

Rusty: You have your weirdly sincere humility. 
Checkbook: I prefer the term "self-loathing", actually. 

 

Rusty to Gator: Me? I'm the bee knees, but, you? You're just... 
DF: Cockroach ankles! 
Rusty: Ye- uh, what? 

 

Tire Swing: What’s wrong? You look 10 seconds away from ripping someone’s throat out. 
Gator: Fricking Postage Stamp and Diosoal were trying to invoke one of the minor gods again last night. I didn't get an ounce of sleep, thanks to their bloody chanting. 

 

Quill: Hello, I'm Quill. I work at a shop now. Here to help. Look, they gave me a badge with my name on it in case I forget it. Very helpful, as that does happen. 

 

Rusty: Assert your dominance over your friends by kicking them in the face, and then giving them a little smooch on the forehead! 

 

Checkbook: WHO ATE MY BREAD?! 
Checkbook: I'M GOING TO F***ING K- 
Tire Swing: I did? 
Checkbook: Kiss you and buy some more, you haven't been eating anything today Tire Swing. 
*walking away* 
Tire Swing: 
Tire Swing: She's gone Rusty. 
Rusty, coming out the closet with bread stuffed in their mouth: Twankh uh! 

 

Checkbook: And I’d love to be sorry for that, but we all know I’ve done much, much worse. 

 

Quill: I scare people a lot because I walk very softly and they don't hear me enter rooms. So when they turn around, I'm just kind of there and their fear fuels me. 

 

Gator: Hey, can we stay in your dorm tonight? 
Quill: Why? 
Gator: DF fiddled with an ouija board and cursed ours. 
Tire Swing: Lotus Flower doesn't know how to banish spirits, so they just throw salt at them and yell "DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A HOTEL TO YOU?!" 

 

Tire Swing: You use emojis like a straight person. 
Lava Lamp: That’s literally the worst thing anyone has ever said about me. 

 

Postage Stamp: What’s up with Lava Lamp? They’ve been laying on the floor for like….an hour now? 
DF: They're just a little overwhelmed. 
Postage Stamp: Why? 
DF: Quill smiled at them. 

 

Lotus Flower: I have to say, I'm a little embarrassed for you. 
DF: This is a sports-related injury. It makes me look cool! 
Lotus Flower: Tripping over a basketball on your way to the bathroom is not cool! 

 

Tire Swing: The first time DF opened a box of Cheerios and looked inside they yelled, "OH WOW! DONUT SEEDS!" 

 

Rusty: Stressed. 
Quill: Depressed. 
Checkbook: Possessed. 
Diosoal: Obsessed. 
Lava Lamp: Impressed. 
Postage Stamp: Chicken breast. 
Everyone: ...What? 
Postage Stamp: I just wanted to join in. 

 

Lava Lamp: HYDRATE OR DIE-DRATE! 
Lava Lamp: *aggressively throws water bottles* 
Quill: Uh... what's up with him? 
Tire Swing: She's trying to yell mental health and wellbeing into us. 
Lava Lamp: I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU! 
Postage Stamp, crying: It's working. 

 

Lava Lamp: Hi, who's this? Postage Stamp changed all of my contacts to mythical creatures. 
Rusty: What's mine? 
Lava Lamp: Dwarf. 
Rusty: XYR SO MEAN, I'M NOT THAT SHORT! 
Lava Lamp: Oh, hey Rusty. 
Rusty: Heck! 

 

Checkbook, working at McDonald's: Sorry sir, we don't serve a McFrick here, so either you throw that one slice of pickle out or we're gonna have a McProblem. 

 

Gator: I apologize for saying 'frick' in front of Postage Stamp. 
DF: You just said it again. 
Postage Stamp: 
Gator: I am not a role model. 

 

Checkbook: Get in loser, we're going shopping. 
Quill: This is a McDonald's drive thru. 

 

Lotus Flower: *tapping fingers on table* 
Rusty: *taps fingers back furiously* 
Gator: …What’s going on? 
Postage Stamp: Morse code. They’re talking. 
Lotus Flower: -.-- ..- .-. / - …. . / -.-. ..- - . … - 
Rusty: *slams hands on table* YOU TAKE THAT BACK! 

 

Rusty: My assistance will be an act of beneviolence. 
Diosoal: ...Don’t you mean benevolence? 
Rusty: No. 

 

Quill: Lava Lamp told me to stop being immature, so I told him to get out of my fort. 

 

Rusty: You... you saved me. You're not a beast at all. YOU'RE A HERO, AN UGLY UGLY UGLY HERO! 
Checkbook: Call me ugly again, and maybe I will eat you. 

^ I FEEL LIKE I KNOW WHAT THIS IS FROM BUT I CANT REMEMBER

 

DF, holding an unconscious Postage Stamp: Oh no. Please don’t be dead. 

 

Quill: Yesterday, I overheard DF saying “Are you sure this is a good idea?” and Gator replying “Trust me,” and I have never moved from one room to another so quickly in my life. 

 

Checkbook: DF is a little idiot. 
Quill: Why? 
Checkbook: Number one, he's little. Number two, he's an idiot. 

 

Lotus Flower: I think I should be allowed on ghost hunter TV shows. 
Inkblot: I think that would be dangerous for the ghosts. 

 

*In a horror movie situation* 
Gator: I've got no service in my phone here. 
Lotus Flower: Shoot, my battery just died. 
Postage Stamp: Sorry guys, I just broke my phone with a hammer. 
DF: Guys, my phone is a book. 

 

Postage Stamp: I think we should have glow stick juice injected in our bones when we're born, so if we break our bones, we get a fun little surprise. 
Quill: What's the surprise? 
Lotus Flower: Blood poisoning. 

 

Quill: Have you heard of Murphy’s law? The one where if something can go wrong, it will go wrong? 
Lotus Flower: Yeah, I have. 
Quill: Have you heard of Cole’s law? 
Lotus Flower: Is this a joke about coleslaw? 
Quill: …maybe. 

 

Rusty, furious: What do you mean we have homework tonight? I have books to read. 

 

Lotus Flower: Who the frick- 
Rusty: Language! 
Lotus Flower: Whom the frick- 
Rusty: No. 

 

Rusty: Am I in trouble? 
DF: Take a guess. 
Rusty: No? 
DF: Take another guess. 

 

Checkbook: Tire Swing, DF, I love y’all and all, but can I ask what in the hell are you doing? 
Tire Swing, trying to stabilize a tower of folding chairs that DF is sitting atop: Oh nothing much. 
DF: I love you too

 

Lava Lamp, texting Gator: *sends a voice message* 
Gator, texting back: I’m a little busy, is it urgent? 
Lava Lamp: No, don’t worry, just listen later. 
*later* 
Gator: *presses play* 
Lava Lamp's voice message: THERE’S A FIRE- 

 

Gator: DF, what are you doing? 
DF: Making chocolate pudding. 
Gator: It's four in the morning, why are you making chocolate pudding? 
DF: Because I've lost control of my life. 
DF: Here's your pudding, Diosoal. 
Diosoal: Oh that's okay, I'm not hungry anymore. 

[2763miles]

Postage Stamp: It is 6:09 . 
Postage Stamp: I am wondering why I’m still alive. 
Postage Stamp: Send Wendy’s. 
Checkbook: The whole restaurant?! 

 

Quill: We call that a traumatic experience. 
Quill, turning to Rusty: Not a "bruh moment". 
Quill, turning to Lava Lamp: Not "sadge". 
Quill, turning to Checkbook: And DEFINITELY not an "oof LMAO". 

 

Quill: I’m not lazy, I just find it hard to put effort into things I’m not passionate about. 
Lotus Flower: What are you passionate about? 
Quill: Sleeping. 

 

Diosoal, to Quill: Are you peanuts? Because I want to boil you alive. 

 

DF: Yesterday, I watched Quill try to eat a decorative rock from Tire Swing's potted plant. Checkbook caught them, and told them they can't eat rocks. Quill started whining something about no food being in the house before walking away. 

 

DF: Gator, you need to calm down. 
Gator, slamming their talons on the table: BUT HOW CAN IT BE "BIRTHDAY CAKE" FLAVOR IF A BIRTHDAY CAKE CAN BE ANY FLAVOR?! 

 

Checkbook, lying on the floor, depressed: I'll never be a cop. I'm gonna have to be a robber. 

[2763miles]

i have not used this thread in so long, and i have more ocs now so i thought about bringing this back

 

oc list:

Hokona
Adelphi
Saki
Delta
Fabian
Hudson
Diosoal
Quill
Lava Lamp
Dewdrop
Will

 

Quill: You have Crayons? 
Hokona: Yes, I have— 
Quill: You're— how old are you? 
Hokona: YES I AM AN ADULT AND I HAVE CRAYONS, I HAVE A BOX OF EMERGENCY CRAYONS IN THE CABINET UNDER THE TV BECAUSE EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS SOMETIMES, OKAY? EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS.

 

Lava Lamp: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, that’s screwed up. Like c'mon, you know I’m dumb as hell!

 

Diosoal: When I see initials carved into a tree with a heart I think it’s so romantic. Two lovers on a date... one of them carrying a knife for some reason.

 

Kidnapper: We have your child
Diosoal: I don’t have a child?
Kidnapper: Then who just asked for warm milk and made us cut the crusts off their sandwich?
Diosoal: Oh god, you have Hokona

 

i'll do more later

[2763miles]

ok i'll do more NOW

updated list:

Hokona
Adelphi
Saki
Delta
Fabian
Hudson
Diosoal
Atlas
Lava Lamp
Dewdrop
Will
Aegialeus
Euthenia
Moonflower
Calliope

 

Hudson: Why would you think any of this was a good idea?! 
Hokona: Probably because I’m a dangerous sociopath with a long history of violence. 
Hudson: Oh... 
Diosoal, from across the room: I don’t understand how you keep forgetting that.

 

Calliope: Delta got into a fight. 
Hokona: That’s bad. 
Hokona: 
Hokona: Did they win?

 

Will: You're pathetic! 
Atlas: You're pathetic-er! 
Dewdrop: You're both losers.

 

Moonflower: *accidentally eats something too spicy so their eyes start to water* 
Hokona: Moonflower, look at me. It's okay. I would die for you. I love you so much. You're the best person I know. 
Moonflower: I'm not crying? 
Hokona, hugging Moonflower's head: Shush baby, it's okay. Dewdrop is here and he loves you with his whole heart.

 

Euthenia: Yeah, I don’t like people. 
Lava Lamp: Oh, well now that’s not fair Euthenia. Have you met all of them? 
Euthenia: I’ve met enough of them. People. What a bunch of jerks!

 

Hokona: Here are two pictures. one of them is your room, and the other is the garbage dump. 
Atlas: *points at a picture* That one is the dump. 
Hokona: tHEY'RE BOTH YOUR ROOM!

 

Fabian: Dewdrop taught me to think before I act. 
Fabian: ...So if I smack the crap out of you, rest assured that I thought about it and am confident in my decision.

 

Moonflower: I regret getting dragged into your heterosexual tomfoolery.

 

Moonflower: Thought I was meowing back at my cat for the past hour, but it was just me and Calliope meowing at each other from different rooms in the house.

 

Saki: Are you mad? 
Euthenia: No. 
Saki: So sharpening your knives at 3 in the morning is just a hobby?

 

Hokona: I feel like I can be myself around you. 
Moonflower: You’re weird and quiet around me. 
Hokona: Yes.

 

Saki: Happy Throwback Thursday! Here’s a throwback to when Calliope ate an entire tube of lipstick. 
Calliope, whining: But why would it be cherry-flavored if you can’t eat it?!

 

Atlas: Can you be serious for five minutes? 
Hokona: My record is four, but I think I can do it.

 

Aegialeus: Hold on! I’m having one of those things... a headache with pictures. 
Hudson: What the hell? 
Atlas: They’re having an idea.

 

Hokona, going fishing: I’m going LIE to fish!

 

Diosoal: *Gives a bouquet to Lava Lamp* 
Lava Lamp: You know I'm allergic. 
Diosoal: That's the point.

 

Hokona: The best way to gain someone's undying loyalty is by saving them from a perilous situation. 
Diosoal: So you're just gonna wait until Dewdrop is in danger and save them? 
Hokona: Of course not, I'm going to create a situation that puts them in danger and then save them. 
Diosoal: ... 
Diosoal: You're insane.

^ hey, it's YOUR FAULT that he's like this, diosal

 

Fabian: I mean. Hokona's just standing there now. 
Fabian: Waiting for me, I guess. 
Fabian: But it's okay, I think he's pretty much settled down. 
Hudson: Settled down? 
Fabian: Well, it only stabbed me once.

 

Adelphi: Present your best argument for eating bacon. 
Hokona: If animals don’t want to be eaten, then why are they made of food?

 

Euthenia: I'm not that stupid! 
Hokona: Euthenia, you literally ate the wax from a babybel. 
Euthenia: WILL TOLD ME IT WAS EDIBLE!

 

Hokona: I told Aegialeus to grab snacks for everyone. 
Atlas, looking through the options: Why did you grab fruit snacks? Are you five? Who even likes Fruit Snacks? 
*Hokona, Aegialeus, and Lava Lamp raise their hands*

 

Hokona: The waiter at Olive Garden has been grating my cheese for 6 hours now, waiting for me to say when. Customers are screaming. Three people have died. 
Hokona: I will not yield.

 

Lava Lamp, watching power lines fall down: Atlas, Will! The town is exploding and it's very pretty!

 

Hokona: So jellyshish- 
Lava Lamp, laughing: JELLYSHISH!? 
Hokona: You know what I meant!

 

Moonflower: If you get in trouble, I'm gonna be like... a lawyer to you. Ok? 
Saki: Okay. 
*later* 
Lava Lamp: Saki! Sit down on the chair, you're in trouble. 
Moonflower, whispering: Deny everything. 
Saki, loudly: That isn't a chair.

 

Fabian: We need a plan to beat them. 
Hokona: Okay, listen up. First, we fill their shoes with wet cat food. 
Fabian:
Hokona: Judge me all you want, I get results.

 

Will, driving and singing to the Little Einsteins theme song: We’re going on a trip- 
Hokona: In our favorite piece of crap! 
Saki: Doing 95! 
Delta: We’re gonna fricking die!

 

Dewdrop, staring at Saki in a cage: ...Why is it in a cage? 
Calliope: Because it growled at me.

 

Fabian: Why won’t you all just lie down and die with dignity?! 
Dewdrop: We don’t do anything with dignity!

 

Hokona: I don't dab. I stab.

 

that's enough for now!! i'll do more eventually