Written in the Stars

[Trinket]

Note: This is not a fanfic, but the start of stories zooming through my head I wanted to know if there's anything that pulls one out of the story and/or if its too difficult of a read (most stories with animals as the main characters are often aimed at a younger audience somewhere falling into Middle Grade and Young Adult... not sure why, but that seems to be the case other than maybe Ratha's Creature.) I do have an Alliegence if anyone wants to look at that... but thought I'd go with the Prologue. 

While I use Grammarly there is only so much that can help with. 

Written in the Stars: Dawn of Hope. It used to be called Heartland Guardians until I found a book series called Journey to the Heartland.

Prologue

Into the night a yelp of agony came on the heels of a loud resounding boom; like lightning felling a tree. Without a storm cloud to be seen the woodland inhabitants felt more than a small inkling that something far greater a danger approached. They scented fresh blood on the breeze and their hearts seemed to freeze.

All grew still and silent for not a mouse stirred nor a bird take wing. Not when they were among the woods. The furless creatures that walked on two legs and carried long sticks with odd shape. Sticks which made a horrid noise and heralded naught but death. Thunderstick.

Hidden deep in the forest twin amber eyes peered out from an old fox den. Filled with pain. The pain of a life giver.

Close by no more than a jump and a leap away from the makeshift den stood a wolf larger than most. A male with grey-green eyes and sleek fur made up of black, white and russet.

He could sense his Onavlk. She, he could not lose, his co-leader, for even in that very moment she whelped to life one of their litter.

"Man stalks the forest this eve, but will not destroy us, for we are strong. We are pack. Come brother and let us trick man and lead them far from the den of Sakari the Onavlk."

From the shadows, another figure emerged. Pelt black as night and eyes gray as storms. "Yes, brother. Let us be rid of the unnatural who target the strong instead of culling the weak, the frail, the injured, the old."

Grey-green eyes looked into storm-gray. The larger of the two wolves turned with a flick of his tail and ran due east, the other male due west.

Once they were several yards away from the den, both of them howled. Fearing not for their lives if it would protect the lives of the Onavlk giving birth and the new lives she brought into the world itself. The legacy of the pack; of the Onavlk and her mate the Onvlk.

He felt the dampness of the melting snow beneath his paws as he ran. Ran for his mate, for their pups; the future.

A growl deep in his belly rumbled and rose, exhaled on his next breath as he leaped over a fallen log. There; the scent of fox strong and fresh. He dare not stop, not with the sound of man following after.

He prayed as he ran. "May the spirits of the ancestors guide us, keep us safe and bring us home."

Behind him, one of Man grew close and lifted his great booming stick.

Above the running wolf, a feathered black bird called out a warning. And though the canine and the avian did not speak the same language they knew a bit of each other's, for their kind had co-existed with each other for generations.

"Rok! Rok!" The bird squawked and the wolf turned round to slip behind a tree.

Behind him a bang. The bark of the tree splintered in all directions.

He continued to run.

Man still pursued him.

Knowing this, his heart filled with dread. The pursuit an endless one.

"Sakari, I fear I may not last. I hope my brother fares better so he can protect you and our young."

Overhead another booming sound rang throughout the land on the heels of a streak of light.

Down poured the tears of the sky. So quick did they land upon the leaves, the ground, the creatures of the forest who'd not yet taken shelter.

Man too soon found themselves soaked through. Earning the woodland inhabitants a momentary respite.

The large male made his way back to the den where his mate had finished whelping a litter.

"Sakari, are you well?"

From the den, a pair of eyes peered out. One gold and one brown. "I am well, Waltz, and so too are our little ones. Four healthy pups."

Waltz's tail lifted into a wag, for but a moment he relaxed. Yet, Man, he knew remained. "I only wish it were safer here to raise them."

"Fret not my beloved Onvlk. We will manage somehow to raise our pups."

Waltz turned around with a jolt and a low growl as the bushes not far from the den rustled.

Out stepped a cautious black paw and a voice well known to the new parents, the Onvlk and his Onavlk.

"Brother, I see the great mother has brought us luck this eve."

The fur on his back settled down upon realizing this was not Man, nor a threat to his offspring's life. "Peabody! You escaped Man too."

"That I did. Now, please, do tell me what gifts you and Sakari have been given this day."

"Four fine pups." He turned back around to gaze at the den where his mate kept the newborns warm with her body as they suckled greedily at her teats. "How many males and females were born?"

Sakari's jowls parted to emit a yawn before she answered. "Three fine males and one female. Each of them with a voracious appetite."

Peabody let out an incredulous yip, "A female? Impossible."

Sakari growled, "Waltz and I have a daughter."

Waltz's tail rose and arched up over his back with a slight wave. "I understand my dear brothers' confusion. There has not been a female born to the Spirit Song Pack in the past thirteen generations."

Peabody lowered his head, "Forgive me, Onavlk."

Sakari grunted and lowered her own head. To her paws. Her eyes drooped closed. "There is naught to forgive."

Waltz turned from his mate and their pups to stare out at the raging storm. "The ancestors have been angered this day. But I do not know that they will be able to keep us safe long enough for the pups to get strong and leave this place of danger."

"Do not fret so, brother, they will always watch over us. We will find a way."

He gazed to the skies above. "I pray you are right, Peabody. For all wolfkind."

Waltz kept vigil at the entrance of the den as his brother turned to leave. He watched him slip into the night betwixt a couple of tall bilberry bushes.

Next Chapter

 

 

[Jojo]

Cool. Overall I don't find it to hard to read (and I am not a native speaker). I only found that you might not want to use 'naught' as this might be the only word to hard for YA or younger

[Sky]

Awesome! my only litter in WolfQuest was three males and a female and that's all i can think right now

[Trinket]

5 hours ago, Jojo said:

Cool. Overall I don't find it to hard to read (and I am not a native speaker). I only found that you might not want to use 'naught' as this might be the only word to hard for YA or younger

I'll keep that in mind for my next edit. If that's all that seems off about sentence structure too then that's good.

3 hours ago, Skysplash8 said:

Awesome! my only litter in WolfQuest was three males and a female and that's all i can think right now

Ah! WolfQuest. Pretty sure I may need a new system to play the update when its finally finished and able to be released. Although I have a feeling this story may have fantasy elements to it other than the wolves speaking to each other like they are and WQ is about realism and the lovely Yellowstone Park which I need to visit someday hopefully.

[bostonlobstah]

Ahhh I don’t have the game but I religiously watch the dev blogs on YouTube!

[Trinket]

I began roleplaying wolves before I had known about WolfQuest and some characters are from those roleplays (only mine, plus a couple I got permission from a friend to use). 

I have a couple other chapters typed up if anyone is interested in reading more. Just hoping it flows well and that its not too difficult to read, especailly with a character or two's voice unless I tweak it but somehow keep the same way they speak if that even makes any sense.

[Jojo]

22 hours ago, Trinket said:

I'll keep that in mind for my next edit. If that's all that seems off about sentence structure too then that's good.

There were some wordings that sounded off, but I didn't mention them as I am never a 100% sure with such things

[Trinket]

Here's a bit more. It seems my chapters are on the shorter side. Still kind of a first draft so if there are some odd things I'll have to go back through later. Also I can't remember if I wrote this before or after I started playing Niche. (I've had Tarantella as a character since before November 2012 and briefly in 2007 or 2008 before I took a long hiatus from roleplay). 

Feel free to point out anything that sounds odd if you'd like.

 

Chapter One

Several eyes gazed out from bushes, holes in the trunks of trees and from above in the canopy of branches and leaves, and in the sky. They watched man leave the forest. They were safe once more.

Waltz turned from watching the creatures without fur to look upon the cream and white she-wolf sitting just outside the birthing den.

“Are they ready, Sakari?”

She dipped her white muzzle, “They are.” With a yip, she called to her pups. “Khon, Kolo, Zydeco, Tarantella come on out and see the world. The lands of the Spirit Song Pack.”

First out of the den was a large-sized pup with russet fur, black limbs, and golden eyes. The pup’s black tipped russet tail wagged with furious speed as he waddled to betwixt Waltz’s forelegs.

“Welcome to the outside, Khon.” Waltz lowered his head to snuff at the top of the young one's head.

Next, one white paw moved outside the den. There it hesitated before a second white paw appeared from the shadows.

Sakari yipped. “Kolo, there is nothing to fear. Do come out and join your brother.”

Kolo squeaked, “I don’t know.”

A second voice, a bit stronger than the last reached their ears, “Get a move on Kolo! I want to see outside, not sniff your butt; again!”

With an oomph, Kolo, a cream, russet and white male only marginally larger than the first pup pulled himself up out of the den.

He hurried to his mother’s side and pressed against her with a shiver.

A third pup bounced out of the den without more encouragement. Smaller yet than the first and second pup to appear from the mouth of the den. His fur pitch black save for the russet and cream tip of his tail and chest.

He stood at the den and growled. “I shall conquer the world!”

Sakari and Waltz chuckled.

Khon snorted. “Not if I beat you to it Zydeco.”

Kolo looked from Khon to Zydeco. “You two aren’t going to fight, are you?” He asked with a whimper.

Khon turned his blue eyes to the sky blue of Kolo. “I will fight only when there is a need to.”

Zydeco turned his own dark blue eyes to stare into the den. “Tarantella! Hurry up! We have to show Khon that we’ll conquer the world!”

A fourth and final pup, the smallest of the litter pulled herself out. Like her brother Zydeco, her pelt was mostly black. Her paws, the tip of her tail, the insides of her ears, her stomach and chest up to her neck where it met her muzzle looked cream in coloration.

Waltz’s tail wagged. “They are ever so precious, Sakari.”

Sakari dipped her cream covered head. “That they are. I will do anything to protect them.”

“As will I.”

Behind Waltz the sound of rustling bushes.

He turned and growled.

The pups ran to huddle behind their mother.

Out stepped Peabody. “Sorry for disturbing you. My mate has just had her pups and I was looking for…” he was cut off by the sight of the four pups as they walked and tumbled around in front of their mother.

He stared at the smallest and only female. “Heaven forfend! The she-pup’s eyes.”

Sakari growled and wrapped her tail around all four pups. “There is nothing wrong with her eyes.”

Peabody shook himself. “They’re unnatural.” He turned his gaze from the pup and Sakari to Waltz. “Brother, you know of the prophecy. You know this is a sign.”

A deep guttural growl rose from Waltz. “Watch it, Peabody. This is my pup you speak of. That prophecy is old. Perhaps already come to pass, or more than likely only a tale.”

Peabody took a step back and another and another. “You’re wrong, Waltz! It can be no coincidence.

 

Upon the back of thunder

Lightning will strike

And man shall leave the forest

For the one who will destroy

The world as we know it will live

With eyes so different from right to left

And the end of all that is known will follow”

 

Waltz shook himself and charged at Peabody who turned to flee.

Sakari called out, “Waltz! Do not go after him. He is your brother.”

The large male turned and trotted back to his family. He licked his mate’s muzzle and then each of his pups heads.

Tarantella stared up wide-eyed at him. “Poppa, is it true?”

“Never fret dear daughter. You will not be the one who brings destruction. You get your eyes from your mother’s grandsire, but not their color.”

He looked into the eyes of each his young as did Sakari. “None of you will. You are wolves. You are of the Spirit Song Pack. You are warriors, hunters, and healers. Most of all you are protectors. Be proud of your lineage. For we have been here seventeen generations.”

Sakari nodded, “Long may the Spirit Song Pack thrive.” She nudged each of her four little ones with her muzzle. “You four stay close to the den and mind your Poppa.”

“Yes, Mumma!” They said in unison.

Waltz frowned, “Where are you going Sakari?”

She brushed her shoulder against him on her way. “To see if Chena is in need of help.”

“Why?” His ears lowered.

“Because she has given birth. I want to check on them. Fret not, I’ll be back soon.” With that, she turned and sprinted away through the bushes and around several trees.

Tarantella stared after her mother and whimpered. “Poppa! Tell her to come back.”

Waltz lowered himself till his stomach touched the ground. “She’ll be back.”

Tarantella shuddered. “No Poppa. She won't. Not if she doesn’t come back now.”

Before he could stop her she darted in the direction Sakari had gone.

Waltz, “Tarantella! Stop! Get back here!” He growled.

He looked to the three pups still there. “Get inside the den and don’t come out.”

With swift accuracy, he stood and chased after his daughter. Compared to him she was small and couldn’t take long steps. Yet he didn’t see her.

“Tarantella!?” He called out, again and again, every few tree lengths.

The beat of his heart sped up as if he’d run miles upon miles without end.

A shadow fell upon him.

He glanced up and felt ice encase the organ pumping blood throughout his body.

“Poppa!” Tarantella cried from above, caught in the clutches of a raptor's claws.

He jumped up, extending his forepaws as he tried to catch hold of his daughter. To bring the bird down.

“Waltz?” A word spoken with a bit of a choke. His mate. His Onavlk. Sakari.

He couldn’t stop to speak to her as he ran in the direction the great big predatory bird soared.

Above, Tarantella struggled. Wiggled in the grip of the winged monster that had stolen her from the ground.

With a growl, she turned her head, parted her jowls and dug her little sharp pointed teeth into one of the bird's legs.

With an angry squawk, the bird lost its balance and plummeted toward the ground. Using its wings it managed not to crash as it let go of its hold on the pup it held in its clutches.

Blood oozed from the wound Tarantella managed to inflict on her would be captor as she fell toward the ground.

With a yelp of fear, she called out to her sire and dam. “Poppa! Mumma!”

She tumbled down.

[Jojo]

I don't know if you ever looked into story structure and that kind of thing but I can only recommend the Brandon Sanderson courses on YouTube. They have helped me a huge deal in doing better with my writing. (He has similar courses on different channels from different years. It is worth it to watch them all )