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Enjoy some quotes originally said by me and my friends saved over the course of the past two years, granted I was gone and partially non-existent to my friends for a little over half of one of the years. Just so you know, they are all very random. Don’t say I didn’t warn you! 🙂 ~

 

PLEASE NOTE: None of these quotes are meant to offend or trigger anyone, as it is only put here to make people laugh. If any of the following quotes offend anyone, I am very sorry.


 

“I’m a pupper cupper!”

“Space is yummy”

“Gak! That's cosmopolitan for gak! Wait, isn't cosmopolitan a flavor of ice cream?”

An anteater and an aardvark are the same thing!

Squawk birds go cow moo quack!

“I promise it’s not aids”

“So anyways, TOES?”

“Cute girl feet”

“BEANS”

“Just get a pair of legs of the black market”

“Hairy energy”

“A society full of gamers? LETS GO!”

“Let’s go gamers?”

“What kind of leg is that?”

“What the beans?!?”

“I am the jesus of beans. I am the bean jesus. Worship me!”

“How would I paint a chili pepper?”

“Mm this meat is good; what is it? Children. *dies from horror*”

“I have a stick and i don’t know what to do with it”

“My balls are in the soup”

“Hoomen bean!”

“Ay, yo, I found an ant”

“Just give me your nose”

“Mike Wazowski, I don't trust you…”

“Hey, cheese curd!”

“ ‘Your head.’ ‘What about it?’ ‘It’s balding.’ ”

“ ‘Don’t make me kidnap your son!’ ‘I don’t even have a son!’ ‘Oh… well… then sucks to be your non-existent son!”

“My legs works, your don’t”

“That’s pretty gay”

“I have obtained the singular cell of brains”

“ *gasp* SHINY!”

“ ‘What is it?’ ‘Coke.’ ‘You mean cocaine?’ ‘Huh?’ ‘Aine drinks it, therefore it is cocaine’ ‘Mkay then’”

“Okay, next time for hunny bunting”

“You are such a crying shame”

“*strange turkey noises*”

“That is one weird-looking dog.”

“Have you tried to use your lungs?”

“Why can’t you do the bridge thingy?”

“If only Hitler would not have dropped out of art school. War would have been avoided”

Hey, look! It's a walking fax machine!”

“Sexy like a sandwich”

“Hey, communism!”

“Why did you forget about Todd?”

“I identify as a gorilla”

“I like my cinnamon buns sticky, not wet”

“ ‘It’s Dazi, Emily… not Dadi’ ‘You’re the one who spelled it wrong’ “

“It’s a potato turtle!”

“Just do a fast change ripped of their clothes if needed. Don’t worry, it’s not sexual if it’s theater”

“Sounds like an ish-you (issue), not an ish-me”

“I refuse your refusal.”

“If every porkchop were perfect, we wouldn’t have hot dogs!” - Steven Universe

“Technically, the ocean is a soup”

“I’m a feisty mushroom”

“ ‘I see the fury in its eye.’ ‘Eye?’ ‘What? We’re talking about cyclops right now!’ ”

“Come on, man! Get with the program already! Geez!”

“Fair point”

“Aye, aye, capitan! I am now a spanish swashbuckler!”

“The phone ran away”

“Smack that child’s back; go fish!” - Studio C

“Oh oh oh, Omiellie’s shopping carts; Cows!” - Studio C

“ ‘This book is kinda scary’ ‘You’re reading a children’s book about a happy hippo. How is that scary?’ “

“My guy.”

“ ‘It’s time to eat some-’ ‘Children!’ “

“ ‘I like scaring people.’ ‘boo’ ‘*high pitched screaming*’ “

“Do grandmas eat nuts?”

“ ‘I’m blind. I can’t see’ ‘Touch’ “

“Weaponized mayonnaise”

“Watch out, America. I can touch”

“I’m from a country”

“Shmello”

“Gack!”

“You are not mayo”

“Your face”

“Can I do some math on your arm?”

“Klee”

“Hello, sir”

“Eat the tears!”

“Starfruit-flavored romaine lettuce”

“FROG”

“JUST BURN THE TOAST!”

“We should just suck on meatballs together”

“ *screech* My toes; they burn!”

“Mr. Plastic!”

“That was a great sack”

“Do you ever walk outside at night and walk your shadow?”

“Who the heck backs into their backyard hiveway?”

“Presidential hips”

“Your mom’s illegal”

“My children are here!”

“ ‘13 all’ ‘Wait, are we playing tennis or something?’ “

“Facts!”

“ *wheeze* “

“Sweet dreams are made of cheese”

“It’s the chicken truck!”

“We have the same mom!”

“You know what you are? *doesn’t even wait for a response* You- you’re a buttfish!”

“ *someone random insults another random someone* OH! GET ROASTED! Ha ha you’re a marshmallow now”

“Cricket!”

“ ‘Facts?’ ‘No, FAX!’ ‘uh.. Ok then’ “

“Did you fall in a bucket of cheese again?”

“Sometimes when I close my eyes, i can’t see”

“It hurts when you slip on your own chin”

“I’m a bathtub guy”

“1738”

“I am god and this is my little world” 

“It’s believable that he is 136 years old”

“I have a snuggy, which is my wife” 

“Heh, she looks like a pothead” 

“You’re all dirty cheaters” 

“Did I close out of it like a ding dong?” 

“Bad teacher moment”

“Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.”

“There’s a bomb!”

“Mr. Willis is the worst social studies teacher.” 

“Let’s kidnap Pete Ricketts.”

“The king could throw you in jail if you called him a fatty” 

“Because hashtag America”

“Puberty is weird guys, there’s a lot of hormones going on.” 

“Oh yeah, you can’t make out because of covid.” 2/7/22

“Have you seen “Ron’s Gone Wrong”? Talk about a ROMCOM.” 

“There’s a bomb.” (again)

“Since Covid is around, you can't make out” 

“It’s palpable, it's tingling I can feel it.”

“Hes like old and stuff.”

“Tonight, maybe we all go to dennys.”

“Oooooooh. Wooooooow.”

“Make out a little.”

“Boom. Haha that was funny.”

“What? Don’t tell me what to do.”

“Now you know how cheese relates to civics.”

“Mmmmm. Tom Holland.”

“Tom Holland aaaaah.”

“Thanks for raising your hand Nigel, But youre wrong.”

“I’m ginger and I have a soul.”

“I’m the worst teacher of them all.”

“Freedom is I can vape dammit!”

“Careful, you’re flashing us!”

“That’s right Nigel you narc.”

“You’ll raise stupid children if you’re stupid.”

“Gingers make better teachers.”

“Hell yea I’m gonna drive through that powdery snow.”

“I-Phones give you leg cancer.”

“Androids don’t give you leg cancer.”

“Lizards run the government.”

“Birds aren’t real, I like that one.”

“Gingers will take over!”

“Birds charge on power lines.”

“The three branches of government are like the three starter pokemon.”

“People normally take pictures on the back side, like me.”

“The senate. The SENATE. THE SENATE!”

“Watch your profanity.”

“That was discord. Esports baby.”

“I’m turning 26 in September. Right? Yea.”

“I could run to take Jeff Fortenberry's spot.”

“What was the average lifespan in 1789?”

“I need more periwinkle in my life.”

“Feels so good doesn’t it?”

“You can’t wear periwinkle on friday. Perfect.”

“The real world is not like that.”

“We hate periwinkle here, suck it.”

“Always argue because the cop doesn’t like showing up.”

“I’ve had 2 speeding tickets, and 7 warnings.”

“Unless they are nice, then just cry.”

“It might have just been a bro move.”

“O street is full of teenagers trying to hook up.”

“All just get tattoos that say fly high.”

“Don’t freaking speed on O street at 11 o-clock at night!”

“Just a fireball from all their cool lights. *hums fireball*.”

“Purple, blue, periwinkle all the same thing!”

“Except for people in colorado. Because of the elevation, they’re highest.”

“Tell me I’m funny.”

“You look like a trash can.”

“We’re poor so we don’t do that.”

“They weren’t creative and it was boring.”

“Yeayeayeayeayeayea nice.”

“I started to read the first sentence and got bored. I don’t want to read a book y’know.”

“Yea I’m super hydrated.”

“Vaping is cool.”

“*pats Solomon’s head* Hello child.”

“Uuuuh uuuh uuuhh that’s worth looking up.”

“Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”

“Random tangent, not helpful.”

“It’s not like Joe Biden will go from door to door making sure you’re following the law. I don’t think he can make it that far.”

“Who’s done? Oooh Nigel. So no one?”

“You’re memeing me.”

“We will keep saying incapacitated because dead is scary.”

“Umumumumum what’s the word I’m looking for?”

“Chief of party. Woop woop!”

“Which I’m also Puttin’. Puttin’? Puttin’!”

“This is an anomaly.” 

“Anyone? Anyone? Woo trees.”

“Have you seen that clip from the Office?”

“Someone hit the lights. THE LIGHTS.”

“That’s why I should have a spray bottle so I can spray Nigel if he says anything stupid.”

“I’m so sorry. You should plant a tree.”

“Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.” (Again)

“It seems to scar everybody in their own little way.”

“Ooh. When did they make Johnson so saucy. Paint him like a french girl.”

“Talk about Elon Musk, our favorite twitter dad.”

“Which is exactly what someone who wants you to think birds aren’t real would say…”

“Here’s the sitiaiton.”

“Tom Holland hot dang.”

“No, not my celebrity crush.”

“*Phone rings* I’m coming. I’ll be there. I'M COMING.”

“I dabble. I’m not great, I'm okay.”

“But they’re actually just pissed.”

“Oh for suuure.” (In a “Basic white girl” tone)

“It’s not snowman season.”

“Thanks for reminding me to never show that to my class ever again.”

“Yes Uncle Joe lizards run the government.”

“That was a creepy old lady.”

“Is it true that democrats only eat salad?”

“Oo this looks like a political party.Wooo wika wika wika.”

“There was always a rumor that a teacher threw a stapler at a kid.”

“My aunt is a crazy democrat.”

“My uncle is a crazy republican.”
“Super crazy civics teacher pranks!”

“Nigel if you weren’t drawing Peter Griffin you would have it done.”

“Hello old people who are volunteering.”

“Put it in a secret box thing.”

“Nigel, would you put that away please.”

“O.m.g.”

“Hehe his eyes are circled.”

“Or maybe Polka dots. That would be fun.”

“Because dammit they need gordita crunch wraps.”

“ I should capitalize Tuesday. Grammar.”

“Oh. My. Gosh. You stole that from the Gordita crunch wrap party Solomon.”

“What are the ingredients in a Gordita Crunch Wrap?”

“They “Borrow” it, no they just steal it.”

“Wow I hate this.”

“Sheesh.”

“Maybe encourage your teachers to quit.”

“I can’t keep doing this I quit.”

“That man is smiling. What a happy man.”

“Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.” (again)

“Happy children.”

“Is she crying? Heh.”

“JIIIIIIIIIMMMM.”

“If Nigel said “Allow public Nudity.”

“Old people are still not allowed to be nude in public.”

“ ‘*electronically tries to kill self* *casually fails miserably*’ ‘Are you dumb?’ ‘No, I'm not dumb, I'm stupid, there's  a difference.’ “

“Grandparents, vans, and assorted fruits are sold here”

*aggressive flute noises*

"The chubby nuns crawl into the traffic light and paint it different colors"

"When you cook a baby-"

"Like, if I brought a box of donuts, Abby would be crying in the corner, and we can't have that be the thing that ruins our reputation"

"Cupcakes aren't allowed,  unless they have mayo sauce"

"Frozen ducks in the pound"

"A new quest was given. A new quest worth fighting for cheese"

"It's so... grainy"

"There was a fork stuck on the ceiling n the aerobics room"

"Pom pom elves"

"Ferrets don't gay"

"The children riding on a cavalry of cows shall rule over you"

"Cow cavalry"

" ‘You'll understand when your older.’  ‘But I'm older than you…’ ‘Exactly’ “

“ ‘We're losing ourselves!’ ‘I lost mine twenty years ago.’ ‘But you're 14…’ ‘I know’ “

"Hyrum is shooketh"

No it doesn't! *proceeds to try to prove they're right* *fails* Oh, wait, yes it does."

"Mid-life caterpillars are scary"

"So, I kicked your dog into the sun-" - The Good Place

"Jumping through windows isn't good for your health, and you can't convince me any differently.”

"OOH TAPE!"

“You know what you are? *doesn’t even wait for a response* You- you’re a buttfish!”

"Cut a block of cheese in the shape of a gun, then if they ask, say it's cheese and just start eating it. Trust me, it'll work"

"You're clicking so slow- hey that’s my name!"

" ‘I speak fluent sarcasm’ ‘ *sarcastically* Oh really?’ ‘I don’t know what that means, sorry, Mom but i can’t translate that for you’ "

"Kick him back to McDonald's"

"Objection, your honor - she-she said stupid 😳" - from a video

"That's my arm, not me"

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